


Stages of grief

by galacticghost



Category: My Chemical Romance, ferard - Fandom, frerard - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Addiction, Family Member Death, Grief, High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Questioning Sexuality, Self-Harm, Teen Frank Iero, Teen Gerard Way, Teenagers, highschool Frank Iero, highschool Gerard Way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-14 02:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 16,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5726056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticghost/pseuds/galacticghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When people we held close die, they take parts of us with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The piercing sound of Gerard's alarm clock on the side table was enough to wake the dead, that and the sound of traffic on an early Monday morning.  
Today was still and quiet. Waking up to a quiet household on a Monday morning was like a punch to the gut. Something was very wrong, Gerard tried to push the feelings of unsettling calmness and grief back where they had come from, something was very wrong.

Gerard walked quietly down the stairs in a much different way than he usually does at 6 a.m. on a Monday morning. Gerard sighed heavily as he reached the bottom of the stairs and the look of sorrow on his mothers face, with tears in her eyes and a heaviness in the air she looked up at him.

''Grandma Elena passed last night,'' she said with a shaky breath and tightly shut eyes.

Gerard knew this was coming, but it's not something one would want to admit to themselves.

Grandma Elena had been living with the Way's for about six months now, her brain was deteriorating and she had been diagnosed with alzheimer's. For the past few months Gerard barely recognized the strong person who taught him everything, her once quick wit and sharp mind faded.

(Flashback)

''Grandma, look at the dino!'' Gerard's grandmother smiled and stated every fact about the dinosaur that drew Gerard's attention, Gerard looked at his grandma in amazement, she seemed know anything about everything.

(Back to present day)

Gerard quickly snapped out of being tangled in memories of his grandmother to comfort his mother and his brother, Mikey. Secretly Gerard needed comforting himself but he will be able to be alone with his thoughts more than he wishes to for the next couple days.

That night Gerard woke up in fits of muffled screams and cries, every single dream was a memory.  
Most nights if Gerard slept his dreams were mostly about giant dragons destroying the world, which he could laugh off when he woke up.  
But when everything was real, when everything was a memory from the past he felt like something was holding his head underwater and the water was filled with everything his grandmother had taught him to be, eventually when could pull himself out of his mind he tried standing, his hands and face drained of any color, his mouth was dry and his knees were weak and unstable.  
He tried to walk towards the bathroom, the room was spinning and the worst physical pain imaginable.  
Gerard looked in the mirror, pale skin and bloodshot eyes.  
''Everything's a mess and I look like a vampire drained every bit of blood and stability from me.'' He thought to himself,  
he turned on the faucet, cupping his hands together and rubbing his eyes with the water in his hands.  
After trying to make himself look somewhat alive, which is the opposite of how he felt, another memory hit him like train.  
(flashback)  
''Good morning Gerard, did you sleep well, the bugs didn't bite did they?''  
Gerard would shake his head no,  
''Ah, well that wonderful, come here let me get some of the eyes boogers from the corners of your eyes.''  
''Eye boogers?'' Gerard would laugh and put his step stool up to the sink and turn the faucet on,  
his grandmother would smile at him and help him carefully swipe away the evidence of a good night's rest.  
''Yes, well eyes boogers is not the technical term, it's called rheum, but that's no fun is it now''  
Gerard smiled and tried to pronounce the word,  
''ra-hum?''  
They would both giggle at the spelling of the word and head off to the rest of their day.  
(Back to normal time)  
The memory made Gerard smile and feel weak at the same time,  
he realized he was sitting knees up to his chin on the floor and carefully attempted to get up with his kneed still shaking.  
In his house he felt like he couldn't breathe, everything was drenched in white paint and memories,  
Gerard knew where he needed to go.  
There was an old park in his town with a metal slide and a few swings his grandma used to take him and his brother too every Saturday when she visited,  
Gerard remembered him and his brother asking to be pushed on the swings and requesting to go higher and higher each time.  
Gerard walked out the door of his childhood home where he and his brother grew up and head to the park,  
he arrived at the park, the floor of the park was covered in mulch and grass and the stars were shining.  
His grandmother taught him when the stars looked this bright and the occasional planet or two was visible, someone out there loved you.  
Gerard sat at the end of the metal slide and stared at the sky.  
''Um, hi I guess we're starring at the same midnight sky.''  
a quiet raspy voice said coming from the swings,  
Gerard looked over and saw a person around his age, he had kind of longer hair on one side and a shaved side on the other, Gerard couldn't see much since it was black outside except for the moon but he did see a metal lip ring and another pair of bloodshot eyes similar to his.  
Gerard kind of half giggled half scoffed,  
''yeah, I guess so, I mean when the stars are all the promised why not?''  
The guy on the swing nodded his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets  
''So uhm so instead of me just looking like a park creep I guess I should ask your name and introduce myself''  
he said, Gerard nodded back and said ''I guess I should too, i'm Gerard, and you?''  
''Frank,'' said the guy on the swings.  
Gerard went over and sat on the swing next to Frank, ''nice, that name fits you.''  
''Yeah? Your name fits you too, Gerard''  
''Thanks, I think.''  
it was a bit awkward talking to some unknown but in a strange comfortable way, he suddenly felt like telling thing Frank dude all his problems.  
''So,'' Frank said checking his watch, ''it's one a.m. either you just really like parks or you're up in a park while the world is sleeping for a reason''  
Gerard shrugged and replied ''just can't sleep, this place means alot to me and not alot of things in my life are certain right now.''  
Frank nodded feeling truly understanding, ''I know what you mean, maybe not exactly your situation but about things being uncertain, most things aren't, the stars are though.''  
Gerard smiled remember that was his reply to him a few minutes ago.  
Things went on like this for about two hours, back and forth talking and strange feeling of opening up and feeling of being understood.  
Frank turned to face Gerard, ''hey do you have like a phone or something, not trying to hit on you or anything, it's just i want to get to know you''  
Gerard smiled and pulled out a tiny slip of paper from his pocket and a pen and messily wrote his number on the paper, handing it to the boy he just met.  
''Thankyou, sorry if that seemed weird that I asked you for your number.''  
Gerard shook his head ''No,no,no don't worry it's not weird at all, actually i'm really glad you did, I feel comfortable talking to you.''  
Frank smiled hugely, he can't remember the last time he smiled like that, interesting.  
Gerard smiled back shyly, '' I guess I need to go, it's so late, you want me to help you home or something, you okay?''  
''No thankyou, you go home and get some rest, I might call tomorrow, I don't wanna be calling mr. too tired groggy pants, because you didn't sleep.''  
Gerard laughed and waved in reply as he walked home.


	2. suppression and distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of grieving is re-living, Gerard might not be ready for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is good i love the concept of phone conversations so here's this :)
> 
> tumblr: xilljoys.tumblr.com

That night when Gerard came home from the park there was a cold in the air. He felt different in a strange way, in the way that his whole body was shaking and his mind was filled with memories old and new. He walked quietly into the front door of his childhood home as he rubbed his hands together to create warmth and friction,  
Gerard looked at the clock hanging on the wall opposite of him and saw it was four in the morning when his phone vibrated and the l.e.d. screen lit up.  
''hey, this is the weirdo from the park, u make it home ok?'' Gerard read the message to himself in Frank's voice, ''hey ya i got home, u ok? did u get home safely?''  
Gerard kind of cringed at his own spelling, but it was four am and he wasn't in his right mind to write a fucking masterpiece anyway.  
''Uhm ya i'm fine, don't worry just wonderin' how you are go to sleep nerd.'' Gerard quietly giggled to himself and shook his head, ''u sure ur okay? u need rest too we can talk 2morrow'' Gerard proceeded to walk to his room and get in his bed with his phone on his chest when his phone buzzed again ''i'm good man talk to you l8tr.''  
Gerard didn't really know if he was telling the truth. Frank knew alot about Gerard but Gerard didn't know much about Frank, he was very private and didn't like talking about himself.  
Gerard had made it his mission that night to know Frank. ''u asleep already? damn u must be tired'' Gerard then realized as Frank sent him another text that he was too lost.  
''i'm not asleep yet but u should b...'' Gerard sent the message and placed his phone back on his chest. ''i would but im not rlly tired'' he got another message  
''I h8 texting'' Gerard replied, it was 5 am and his mind was not focused enough for his texts to be literate, Gerard picked his phone back up realizing his tiredness had also melted away, Gerard didn't mean to be clingy but he hated when Frank took long to reply it made him feel like something was wrong it also meant he was alone, talking to himself re-living memories, Gerard shut his eyes tightly and shook his head as he felt his phone vibrating which was the most relieving thing that ever happened.  
''well we are on phones which was meant for ya know, talkin' we could do that'' Gerard kind of giggled because Frank sounded a little bit like a cowboy when he was trying to shorten words up, ''yikes well i want 2 but my family is still asleep''  
''oh whale they're asleep they won't hear anything'' Gerard read Franks reply and considered it more ''hmm alright...''  
Gerard sent the message and cleared his throat when his phone played the loudest Misfits song ever he cursed himself for having his volume up all the way.  
Gerard put his phone to his ear as Franks voice flowed through his ears, ''hi, Gerard'' Frank was whispering and Gerard kind of got shivers hearing Franks voice.  
''Hey Frank, how are you?'' Gerard also tried to keep his voice down, ''I'm okay, but how are you?'' Gerard kind of cringed at all the small talk but they only met a few hours ago what should he have expected. ''I'm okay, by the way your voice is nice sorry if that's really weird.'' Gerard waited for a reply hoping what he said wasn't strange, suddenly on the other end of the line he heard a giggle ''it's not weird, thankyou your voice is nice too'' Gerard was basically beaming at this point he wasn't looking in the mirror but he could feel the that grin that was a sign he was truly happy. Gerard also giggled but was still trying to keep his voice down ''thankyou, damn your not weirded out? Most people would be runnin' for the hills'' Gerard answered and threw in a little cowboy lingo.  
''Nah man i mean if a persons voice is cute a persons voice is cute, if most people saw some kid dressed in black in a park they'd probably call the police though to be honest''  
Gerard listened to Frank's voice carefully, ''Hey now buckaroo I said nice not cute'' they both giggled over the phone, ''plus hey nothing wrong with sitting in park to clear your thoughts.'' Frank agreed ''oh shit i'm so sorry i have to go i'll call you in a couple hours if you're awake'' Franks voice was deep, quiet and urgent.  
''It's okay I understand, just call me or text me when you're ready.'' ''Thankyou.'' Gerard heard as the phone hung up and he took a deep breath and decided to drift off to sleep.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Gerard was re-living memories in his dreams, he didn't realize he was crying but he knew his brain needed to get back in touch with his body and wake up.  
Gerard pillow cases were soaked and his eyes were burning when he realized his phone was ringing, he didn't want to talk to anyone except Frank.  
He pulled his phone closer to him to read who it was. ''Frank :)'' the caller i.d. read, he answered as soon as possible.  
''Gerard, hey i'm so sorry i hung up this morning how are you?''  
In a creaky post sob voice Gerard replied ''It's okay don't worry, i'm okay.''  
Frank heard Gerard's voice and he felt like a freight train hit him ''Gerard please don't just pretend you're okay I know you're not, what's wrong, what happened?''  
Gerard realized it was no use to pretend he way okay to Frank. ''I was sleeping and memories of everything came back, before I know it i'm drowned in my own tears.''  
Everything in Frank's mind was now set on nurturing mode, Franks voice went quieter and softer as he whispered into the phone. ''Listen, breathe, everything is okay  
you have every right to be upset but you also need your sleep, dream time is not a good place to deal with memories and grief.''  
Gerard felt calm and tired, he sinked back into his bed as his whole body was vibrating. ''I want you to close your eyes, when you wake up the pieces of the puzzle can put themselves back together again but right now it's time to clear your mind, I just want you to be okay I know I only met you last night but I care about you.''  
Gerard was pretty much asleep but decided to answer quietly ''I care about you too, I made it my mission to know you, thankyou''  
Frank listened to Gerard's sleepy voice and smiled ''get some sleep, Gee everything will make sense when you wake up''  
Gerard smiled at the nickname as he heard Frank's quiet voice again. ''Everything is okay, the universe is still and needs you to get some rest.''  
And that was it, Gerard was out like a light.


	3. Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New experiences and new people.

Gerard woke up with the most excruciating, pounding headache. You know the headache when you've cried more then wanted to, more then you ever though possible?  
It was that kind of post-cry headache where you can't put yourself back together and everything in your body has lost control, that kind.  
Gerard was still in the post fog state of waking up as he was trying to piece his thoughts together, he looked at his phone remembering that he fell asleep listening to Frank's voice.  
Gerard smiled remembered the fact that he had ran to his childhood park that night before, he didn't know if he went to the park to remember or forget,he was not ready to remember anything but the fact that Earth is always moving, the stars, the sun and the moon exist and so does he and so does Frank and the way Frank knew how to talk him to sleep. This is all Gerard knew for right now, that was okay. Gerard laid in his bed for a while with the blanket his grandmother had made for him before he was born, that blanket was the only thing soft enough or memorable enough to the touch at the moment, Gerard grabbed his phone from the corner of his bed and checked the time seeing it was six at night, he decided to try and get up from his bed, the last time he got up was to go to the park. ''C'mon legs, fucking work please,'' Gerard whispered to himself quietly as he walked slowly down the stairs to see his family. Gerard glanced at his brother, Mikey and his mother, they both had dark circles under their eyes and his mother didn't look put together as she usually like to portray that she's stable, Gerard couldn't blame her or Mikey for he was just as much of a mess if not more than them.  
Gerard sat in the middle of his mom and his brother and sighed, his mother reached over both his and his brother's back in a nurturing and understanding way.  
''Everything will be okay, we will be okay, right now it's important to just keep Grandma Elena close to your heart and take care of yourselves and each other.''  
Gerard and Mikey both let out a deep shaky breath and nodded slowly.  
Gerard's mother looked over at him and began to speak in a soft questioning tone, ''On another note,Gerard, sweety, Mikey and I have heard your phone ringing almost all day, is everything okay? Who's been calling?'' Mikey looked at Gerard in a way that Gerard could tell his was curious too.  
Suddenly a small bit of panic washed over Gerard, Gerard wasn't sure how to explain that he met a stranger kid in a park and gave him his number in a way that didn't sound weird but Gerard decided to be honest yet careful with his wording. ''Oh, woops I had no idea it was ringing.'' Gerard paused for a moment to think and began speaking again.  
''This might sound weird but I went to the park last night, the clear my thoughts and get some air, there was someone on the swings, don't worry the person was my age, basically he was just asking me why I was there and we got along and talked and I kind of decided to give him my number.''  
Gerard gulped and hoped that wasn't too terrible sounding.  
''Well that's a bit strange but I guess if this person is your age it's not a huge deal if you two communicate a little bit'' his mother replied.  
Gerard basically let out a huge sigh of relief and smiled a bit. ''Thankyou sorry if I scared you, he's a good person so far I promise, he actually calmed me down and made me snap back into reality before I fell asleep this morning.''  
His mother smiled, ''that's good you seem more calm then you did earlier, just be careful.''  
Gerard smiled and nodded. '' I do feel a little better, not perfect but when am I ever feeling perfect anyway.''  
Both his mother and brother shrugged and slightly smiled when Gerard's phone loudly started ringing again to the tune of a Misfit's song that did not fit his emotions at the moment.  
Gerard quickly got up and waved at Mikey and his mother as he climbed up the stairs.  
Gerard walked into his room and grabbed his phone from the table by his bed and answered the phone knowing it was Frank.  
''Hello?'' ''Gerard, jesus fucking christ, I though something really bad happened, are you okay?''  
Gerard smiled at the fact the Frank worried about him,  
''I'm so sorry I made you worry, I'm good, your little soothing speech or whatever on the phone knocked me out this morning, how are you?''  
Gerard heard Frank giggled and he smiled. ''Woopsies, oh well you needed to sleep you were a fucking wreck this morning, but it's okay, I understand, I'm doing good knowing you're feeling a little better.'' ''I'm glad you're okay too, oh also I told my mom I met you because she was curious why my phone was ringing and she was pretty calm about it.''  
''That's great Gee, I know it's probably kind of weird to hear that you met some weird punk dude in the park, my parents would kill me, it's awesome to hear you have a good mom.'' Gerard smiled. ''I'm sorry to hear it sounds like your parents aren't understanding, I guess we all have that one thing in our lives that fucking suck.''  
''Thankyou, I mean I'm 17 so I'll move out soon and won't have to deal with them, but enough about me, dude I really wanna get to know you.''  
''I want to get to know you too, I feel comfortable talking to you, I feel like i've known you for centuries.''  
''I agree, I feel super open talking to you''  
''Hey, I know your parents probably wouldn't dare appreciate me but maybe you could come to my house and we can get our minds off of our shitty current situations and just talk.'' Gerard suggested since his mom and brother seemed cool about him meeting someone new.  
''Dude that sounds fucking awesome, I can tell my parents I'm going to another friends house for a while.''  
''Yes this sounds amazing we can do it tomorrow after school if you want, what school you got to?''  
''Sounds like a plan, I go to South high, you?''  
''Wish we went to the same school damnit, I go to East high, tomorrow will be the first day back for me since well, ya'know.''  
''I understand, hmm I can pick you up and we can go back to your place after school is that okay, you should probably let your mom know I'm coming.''  
''Sounds great, i'll tell her when we get off the phone.''  
''Alright, this sounds awesome I can't wait to see you in the day time, there was literally not one ounce of light in that park.''  
''I know it was so fucking dark, I can't wait for you to see my CD collection.''  
''Sounds fuckin' rad, I can't wait to see what music your into, I typically only judge people by the music they listen too.''  
Both Gerard and Frank laughed over the phone.  
''Great I'm ready for judgement day.''  
''And i'm ready to judge, hey gee I don't want to hand up but my step dad is yelling at me, i'll see you tomorrow at 4.''  
''No problem hope everything's okay, see you tomorrow.''  
''Don't worry your pretty little head, everything's good see ya later skater.''  
Gerard heard the phone disconnect as he smiled and rushed downstairs to tell his mom.  
''Mom, ya'know the park kid I was talking about his name is Frank, can he come over after school.''  
Gerard's mom turned to face him, ''hmm I guess it wouldn't hurt, sure.''  
''Thankyou ohmygod thankyou.''  
His mom smiled and nodded happy to see he wasn't moping around.  
Gerard rushed upstairs to his brothers room to watch him play bass.  
''Tomorrow.''  
Gerard whispered to himself repeatedly over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three, kinda had this idea of like stages of grief type thing and i decided to change the title i want this story to be a journey i guess? who knows it's 1 am what am i doing??? Oh well so the title was ''memories.'' but yikes here it is now new and probably not improved.


	4. discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distractions are nice, you never really know how nice it is to talk to someone you relate to until you meet them.

The whole day at school went slowly for Gerard, the only time people talked to him is to ask about the death in his family which Gerard wasn't up to being reminded that someone important was lacking. Gerard attended each class half listening to the teacher speaking half thinking about Frank coming over, on one hand it seemed crazy he was inviting a person he has just met at two a.m. in the park to his house but on the other hand Gerard couldn't avoid the fact that when someone understands you and you understand them time doesn't mean much, it was only going to be a friendly meeting to get to know him anyway, it's not like Gerard was about to move in with Frank or anything so his mind was put to rest.  
Gerard didn't realize how long he had been talking to himself in his own mind until the shrill sound of the bell hit his ears alerting the whole school building that the end of the day had arrived, Gerard crammed his books messily into his bag and walked calmly to the door of the classroom, Gerard walked to the school yard and turned his phone on since it had been off all day he checked his messages as his phone alerted him of a new message.  
''Hey, it's weird dude from the park''  
Gerard read the message and giggled as he saw Frank's car right in front of him, they both smiled at each other as Gerard opened the door of Frank's car and stepped in.  
''Hey little schoolboy i've got candy'' Frank said in the weirdest voice he could pull off as both him and Gerard laughed until they couldn't breathe anymore,  
''oh my god that's not creepy,like,at all'' Gerard replied still laughing, ''oh totally not that was not weird of me at all.'' Frank answered back.  
They laughed a little more and Frank turned put in a CD he had in his car, ''yup he has amazing taste in music'' Gerard though to himself as he smiled and hummed along and Frank playfully played air guitar when he stopped at a red light.  
''You got some pipes, kid'' Frank said to Gerard, ''I'm just humming how can you tell? Also you're going the wrong way,kid''  
Gerard replied playfully mocking Frank's use of the word 'kid' as if the both of them weren't the same age.  
''I can just tell,trust me, oh shit you're right I meant to turn right not left,kid''  
''Maybe we should turn back the school to learn directions,kid.'' Gerard giggled.  
''Honestly, you're probably right, I hated maps and directions, where's north? Where's south? Who knows, I just know I always end up at a pet store or something stupid.''  
Gerard smiled, ''something tells me going to pet stores is not on accident.''  
Frank smiled back ''Hmm you may be right about that too actually.''  
They both talked a little more after Gerard recited the directions to his house and listening to the music blaring through the car speakers.  
''This is it right?'' Frank asked as they reached a brick home with stones leading up to the front door.  
''Yup this is the place, my kingdom.'' Gerard said and giggled getting out of Frank's car.  
''A kingdom? you live in suburbia not Narnia'' Frank said and giggled back.  
''Still a kingdom, Frankie.'' Gerard smiled  
''Frankie? Nicknames already,nice,Gee.''  
Gerard smiled as the memories of his grandma calling him ''Gee'' hit him, but this time he felt comforted by the memories instead of the dreadful grief filled feeling that usually occured, the memories and nostalgia Gee often felt was a weird mix of happiness,nostalgic and grief, these forms of memories would leave him smiling and crying at the same time they made him feel anxious and childish at the same time, mixing happy memories with grief was the evilest thing his mind could do to him.  
Snap.Snap.Snap. Gee heard several snaps just as his body finally connected with his mind once again.  
''Gee, you okay'' Frank asked with concern in his voice,  
''Yeah i'm sorry, just got a little lost in my mind, ya'know my grandma would call me Gee.''  
''Oh, i'm so sorry I can call you Gerard or something else if you want me too.''  
''No,no, that's fine I actually love the nickname, it actually made me really happy to hear someone call me that again.''  
Frank smiled at Gee and patted his back, ''I'm glad to hear that made you happy, I know you can't often control what goes on in your head but I just hope your memories turn into purely good ones.'' Gee smiled the biggest toothiest smile in reply, ''thankyou so much, Frankie, now let's go inside, my mom might ask tons of questions so sorry if she smothers you.''  
''I'm not worried, I don't blame her for asking questions.''  
Both Gerard and Frank walked inside and Greeted Gerard and Mikey's mom  
''Hey mom, this is Frank, Frank, this is my mom.'' Gerard said looking back and forth at Frank and his mother.  
''Hey nice to meet you, Frank'' Frank waved and smiled shyly in reply ''Nice to meet you too ma'am, thankyou for letting me come over.''  
''No problem hun' you can call me Donna, you and Gerard seem to get along so I don't mind, tell me a little about yourself.''  
Frank pulled on his sleeve nervously, Gee's mom was nice he was just a little shy but he answered politely ''Well, i'm seventeen, I play guitar, and i'm not exactly sure what to say''  
Frank smiled in reply.  
''That's okay, don't worry about it, that's good that you and Gerard are the same age'' Gerard's mom said in a calm voice when suddenly the phone rang.  
''Oh oops the phone's ringing, i'll let you kids do your thing, behave, oh and Gerard your brother will be home at six.''  
Gerard nodded at his mom and moved over to the stairs as Frank followed behind him.  
''You're mom is really nice''  
''yeah she's pretty cool for a mom''  
both Frank and Gerard smiled.  
''So you wanna see my music collection?''  
''Yeah dude of course'' Frank answered back following Gerard to a shelf with rows of Cd's lines up.  
''Here they are my pride and joy's, if you wanna play any here's the Cd player.''  
Both Frank and Gerard shuffled through the CD's and Frank played the ones that caught his eye, Before they knew it it was six.  
''Boy's come down stairs'' Gerard's mother said speaking loud enough for him and Frank to hear as they got up and rushed down the stairs.  
When they reached the bottom step they were greeted by Mikey, ''hey'' Mikey said and looked at Gerard and Frank.  
''Hey, I'm Frank, nice to meet you'' Frank replied.  
''You too'' Mikey said quietly and walked to his room.  
''Oh, did I do something'' Frank asked a bit confused by Mikey  
''No no not at all'' Donna replied and smiled at Frank  
''Mikey's only social when he's with his friend, Ray or if he knows you for a while, don't worry'' Gerard said to Frank and assured him.  
the night went smoothly they had pizza and Gerard,Frank and Mikey were all able to find common passions in music and movies.  
''Hey,Gee, I gotta go my step dad told me to be home at seven thirty.''  
Gerard nodded, he didn't want Frank to leave but he could probably get him to come sometime that weekend to stay the night. ''Aww man time flew by fast.''  
''I know, I wish I could stay but school and stuff'' Frank knew there was more at stake then just missing school if he didn't return on time.  
''Hey maybe you could stay here Friday or Saturday, I can ask my mom and I'll text you.''  
''Yeah that would be awesome i'll get back to you,I mean i'll probably text you tonight though.''  
Gerard smiled hearing Frank was going to keep in touch with him.  
''Alright, just text me or call me whenever you want.'' Gerard said smiling at Frank.  
'' I will, let your mom know I said thankyou and tell your brother i'm going to get him out of his shell.''  
Both Frank and Gee giggled, ''I totally will.''  
Frank pulled Gerard in for a hug, it took Gerard for surprise but it was so nice, as creepy as it may sound it was the warmest most comforting hug since the last time His grandma hugged him.  
''Bye gee, text me or call me anytime you need me or just wanna talk.''  
''I will, thankyou so much, and same to you just text or call whenever.''  
Frank nodded and walked towards his car as he waved and smiled one last time.  
Gerard walked back inside with the cheesiest smile on his face as his brother looked at him weird and his mom smiled, happy to see her son smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter, I don't even know if anyone really reads this fanfic but oh well, I jut realized i update on Wednesday night all the time so if you're reading this i update every Wednesday just fyi. also I think it would be cool if i suggested songs for every chapter then I realized I'm a nerd that's still obsessed with hsm the only songs that would fit are highschool musical songs so for this chapter it's start of something new by troy and gabriella. Bye  
> tumblr:xilljoys


	5. Switching roles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything becomes bottled up, one side of you wants to help others and save people the other side of you needs saving yourself.

Thursday, March 6th, six years since Frank's father, his biological father, his real father had passed.  
Every March sixth of every year seemed to last longer than any other days, not only because March is a longer month but this month reminded Frank how much he really needed his father, although Frank was seventeen he felt like a seven year old clinging to his fathers side but there was nothing to cling on to anymore.  
Frank's stepfather made this day no easier, he knew exactly what March sixth was and why it made ever cell in Frank's body basically die but unlike Frank's real father this man standing in front of Frank's doorway had no concern for Frank's emotion.  
Frank couldn't even look at his mother and stepfather, he had no need to, his whole body was vibrating and he was so close to having a complete breakdown unable to contain the muscle movements inspired by his emotions, he watched as his stepfather laughed at his condition and his mother secretly filled with sorrow and regret.  
Frank managed somehow to crawl back to his room, his body felt like he was restrained to a chair and lit on fire.  
As soon as Frank lifted himself onto his bed his phone started buzzing, Frank slowly pushed his phone closer to him, his eyes were burning along with the rest of his body but his mind calmed down a notch as soon as he read the caller I.D. ''Gee'' it was Gerard, Frank's phone was still vibrating in his hands until he pressed the little green answer button.  
''H-Hi,G-Gee.'' Frank slurred trying to avoid falling apart over the phone, it was no use as soon as he heard a Gerard's quiet voice he started sobbing.  
''Frank, hey, hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?, Listen to me, you're gonna be okay.''  
Frank lost it, he tried to reply back to Gerard not wanting him to worry but couldn't stop.  
''I'm going to stay on the line, let it all out, it's going to be okay'' Gerard whispered making comforting shushing sounds  
''Frankie, it's okay, you can talk when you're ready, i'm here for you''  
Frank was so thankful to hear Gerard's voice, Gerard voice had drowned out all the snickering back handed remarks coming from his stepfather and everything in his head that told him nothing would ever be okay again, just like his father voice did.  
''Remember that one day you called me, I was sobbing, you reminded me how it feels for someone to care and you reminded me of how the universe needed me to stick around for a while until it's ready for me again, you put everything into perspective and though you were talking about space you put my feet back on the ground and everything was alright then,  
I want you to listen to that advice you gave me, you can tell me what's wrong when you're ready, I won't push you, but I just want you to remember that the sun still thinks you shine pretty bright and the moon appreciates you helping with the tides and the stars really like the way you put your word into formation.''  
Frank's body froze and listened to Gerard's voice taking in his planetary advice, his sobbing had almost completely stopped and his headache had eased up.  
''Gerard, thankyou so much, you said everything I needed to hear, I'm so sorry for dragging you into this'' Frank whispered into the phone sniffling between every word but meaning every single bit of it. ''Frank, please don't apologize, you have helped me so much in these past few days and even the fixer needs fixing, you've made me feels so much better and you helped me accept the memories, this is the least I could do, if talking about how much the galaxy loves you helps then that's what will happen.''  
''Thankyou,so much'' Frank inhaled deeply and began to speak again, ''today is March sixth, it's been six years since my real father, my role model passed''  
Frank whispered listening for Gerard to reply.  
''You're so strong, so fucking strong, Frank, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I'm here for you when you need me,come to me''  
Gerard whispered over the phone.  
''Thankyou, I know I keep saying that but you have no idea how much I needed this, how much I needed to talk to you, thankyou for being here, I will always be here for you too.''  
''It's no problem Frankie, honestly, I care about you so much, no one especially not you deserves to go through this, if you want to, since school is out you can come over, if you feel like it we can talk about everything, your dad, the universe, anything, I completely understand if would rather do that another day,''  
''That would be really nice, I think I need someone to be around today''  
''I understand, come at anytime you want do you need anything?''  
''Okay I think i'll be there around two, i'm okay, do you need anything?''  
''Okay, no I don't need anything, when you come please drive careful, take care of yourself till' you get here, everything will be okay.''  
''I will, thankyou for caring Gee''  
''It's no problem, Frankie, sometimes the fixer and the person needing fixing switch roles and that's okay''  
Frank and Gerard talked a little more and hung up so they could get ready for two, the entire car ride to Gerard's house for Frank was spent with the phrase ''sometimes the fixer and the person needing fixing switch roles and that's okay'' echoed in his head, everything will be okay, maybe not instantly but eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, here's chapter 5 maybe a little bit of a shorter one, hope anyone reading this enjoys, I decided to go more into Franks backstory, i'm such a sucker for hurt/comfort story's and so here it is. I had alot of fun writing this but at the same time i had to make myself really sad i had to go listen to cancer by mcr on repeat which i dont suggest unless you just love suffering also this might sound weird but when i was writing this my whole body started shaking that's probably not healthy but anyway have a good rest of the week byeee.
> 
> tumblr: xilljoys.tumblr.com


	6. eventually.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing is possible maybe not right now but it's possible and that's enough to hold on to.

The day Gerard and Frank spent together felt like a breath of fresh air to the both of them, you know when you feel so bad for so long or you're in a bad situation for what feels like forever and finally you get a bit of relief? This is how they felt, walking through the desert and they found and stream of clean water, things are okay in the moment and that's all they really needed then.  
''Gee, ya'know, it's like I always feel like shit but I hate owning up to it, I feel like a fucking child crying to you about everything but that's what I need, my step dad always told me talking about how you feel is weak and only children do that, that's not fucking fair though no one is a robot.''  
''Frank, I know what you mean, the thing about that is owing up and expressing how you feel is far from weak, too many people end their lives because they though they were weak,  
all of this feels pathetic in the moment but this is all needed, this is supposed to happen, if we didn't get sad over death of loved once I don't think we'd form strong bonds with people like we do.''  
''That makes sense, sometimes I want to be a robot ya'know, or at least I wish I didn't get close to people like I do, it's not even just my dad i've lost, i've lost friends, role models and lovers for so many different reasons, being left behind gets tiring to the point where you forget how to trust or open up, you're the very first person i've opened up to in a while, i'm scared, truthfully, Gee.''  
''Being left is devastating, i'm scared of being this open but we've both been hurt we're both sensitive, we know how to talk to each other, sometimes people have to open up as much as it hurts.''  
''I trust you, I really do, I haven't known you for long but I think the quality matters more than the quantity.''  
''Agreed, Frankie, quality over quantity.''  
They both giggled repeating the word 'quantity' to each other because it sounds weird over time, afterwords they listened to a few of Gerard's records that were on his shelf.  
''Hey, Gee what's this stuff?'' Frank asked leaning over a desk with drawing and pencils scattered on the desk.  
''Oh, nothing really, just drawing stuff I do when i'm bored''  
Frank picked up a few of the drawing and gazed at them in wonder.  
''These are amazing, Gee''  
Frank said looking even closer at the detail, the drawings looked like they were based off or inspired by comics, they were unique and interesting, the detail was amazing.  
''Oh,uhm,uh, thanks,Frank.''  
Gerard said obviously a bit anxious, Gerard wasn't used to people looking at his art, Frank picked up on Gerard's anxiousness and softly laid the paper back onto the desk.

The rest of the day went by smoothly and calmly, they listened to more music and laughed at stupid things they found on the internet, when Gerard let Frank pick video to watch Frank accidentally hit a button on the keyboard that caused the browsing history to pop up.  
When this happened Gerard was putting away some of the records they pulled out earlier so he wasn't paying attention the the screen, Frank looked through some of the history, he felt bad but his curiosity had got the best of him.  
In the history list there was tons of searches for things like ''I might be gay.'' ''How do I know if i'm not straight.'' ''Am I gay if I don't like sex?'' ''I like boys but not interested in sex.''  
Frank read through a few of these but clicked exit as soon as Gerard sat next to him, Frank didn't care if Gerard way gay or whatever he might be, hell, he couldn't exactly say he was straight, the thing that confused Frank was the part about not liking sex, 'oh well' Frank thought to himself, that's Gerard's private information, if Gerard needed to talk about it he could come to Frank but he hasn't yet, Frank wasn't even going to ask.  
The rest of the day went along like it had before, they drank coffee and watched dumb videos until Frank had to leave.  
When Frank left Gerard went back to his computer and saw a tab open with his browsing history, weird, Gerard didn't remember opening that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry this chapter is late i've been so busy for some reason because yikes school sucks anyway here it is idk i want this chapter to be very nice and friendship-y because things might get bad again in the story and this chapter is kind of a reminder that though bad shit happens eventually life will work itself out, sometimes this is all just developing or in the process of creating a bigger picture and idk what i'm saying,this chapter also kind of goes deeper into Gee and Frank's deeper emotions and how they truly feel also questioning sexuality yeeeah. hope whoever's reading this enjoys, bye.
> 
> here are some songs i rec listening to that inspired this chapter
> 
> 1\. I'm not a robot- marina and the diamonds  
> 2\. Doubt- twenty one pilots  
> 3\. doll parts- hole  
> 4\. fear and loathing- marina and the diamonds.


	7. All wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to lie to someone who truly cares about you and say you're fine when you're not, especially when there's physical afflictions to prove somethings wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here's a new chapter, there's mentions of physical and verbal abuse and self harm, homophobia and there's also homophobic slurs , here's a warning just incase, i don't have much to say about this chapter but i hope anyone reading this enjoys <3 take care of yourselves byee.

It's been three weeks since Frank met Gerard and it's been four days since they saw each other face to face.  
They had been texting each other everyday constantly and Gerard had asked Frank to come over, Frank had declined which was very odd, usually when Gerard asked Frank to come over his invitation was met with excitement and a house guest, this wasn't the case today.

 

(Frank's p.o.v.)

Frank's stepfather was sputtering out of control, slurs were being thrown in addition to fists.  
''You will never fucking mean shit to anyone, you can't even fucking get yourself together, everyone leaves you congratulations, piece of shit fucking kid.''  
Frank's whole body was shaking and he couldn't tell if this was his own mind talking or his stepfather, he knew logically this was his stepfathers voice but the words  
were so similar to the things he said to himself on a daily basis.  
Frank's mom watched from across the room, Frank didn't blame his mom for anything happening but at the same time blamed her for everything.  
Frank's phone was buzzing in his pocket playing the most annoying ear piercing ringtone that he wasn't in the mood for at the time.  
''Hey ya gonna fuckin' answer that god damn phone, you fucking queer''  
his stepfather yelled in his booming voice that shook the room, Frank reached into his pocket with trembling hands as he read the caller I.D.  
''Gerard'' Frank whispered not realizing he had spoken Gerard's name out loud in front of his stepfather.  
''Gerard? Who the fuck is that? I didn't give you permission to speak to anyone'' his stepfather boomed even louder. Frank had hit the button on his phone that answered the call, this was not on purpose.  
''No!'' Frank yelled as loud as possible as soon as he saw his stepfather large fist flying with brute force towards Frank's face.  
The sound of his stepfather fist hitting the bone around his eye and nose made the most gruesome sound, worse than the sound of Frank's limp body hitting the floor,  
but not quite as heartbreaking as the desperation in Gerard's hopeless voice over the phone.  
Frank saw stars, stars, dots and bright light, the stars were confusing and comforting all at the same time.  
What Frank heard next was just plain comforting at this point, ''Frank, Frankie, you're gonna be okay, it's Gee''  
Frank heard Gerard's soft voice and almost cried, though his entire body hurt he felt like he was going to be okay for now.  
''Responsive but slightly out of it'' Frank heard another voice say, he heard the sound of ear piercing beeping sounds that wouldn't subside and random voices.  
Frank made an educative guess that he was at the hospital, Frank slowly breathing in and out opened his eyes to face Gerard, Mikey and Gerard's mother, Donna.  
''Frankie!'' Gerard said cheerfully and at the same time very worryingly, Frank smiled softly at Gerard and his family.  
''Frank is there anything you need? Mikey and I will be leaving soon and will be back in the morning, Gerard is staying here but is there anything you need at all just let me know''  
Donna asked softly.  
''No, thankyou Ms. Way, thankyou so much for being kind to me.''  
''Please don't thank me Frank, you don't need to worry, Gerard will get you anything and help you with anything you need.''  
Frank looked over at Gerard and mouthed ''thankyou so much'' to him.  
Gerard smiled back at Frank as he sat on the chair in the hospital room, ''no need to thank me, I care about you, whatever you go through I'll go through with you, Frankie.''  
And with that Frank knew that he could find support and stability in Gerard and this is something he always needed and this was something he could return also.  
They are going to be okay one day.


	8. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes bad things have to happen for good thing's to be promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, anyone reading this, sorry this update is a day late woops school is annoying .  
> I hope you enjoy this if you're reading. Have a good day/night <3  
> warning: mentions of medication addiction and also they talk about sexuality so just incase that's triggering here's a warning

It was the day after everything took a turn downhill and Frank was rushed to the hospital, the doctor and the nurses decided Frank was okay to leave the hospital, they explained to Gerard's mother, Donna that he would be okay he just got knocked out and most likely will have a fairly bad headache for a few days in which the doctor prescribed pain medication.  
Frank's mind went into a frenzy at the mention of 'medication' especially pain medication, he had no choice and there wasn't a way to explain or get around not wanting to take pain medication.  
Frank pulled himself up from the hospital bed with his arm draped around Gerard's shoulder, his head was pounding and the room was spinning but Frank ignored the pain as he wanted to leave the hospital, hospitals were too white and clean, they all smelled like someone was trying to desperately scrub the smell of sickness and desperation from the halls of the brightly lit building.  
Frank,Gerard,Mikey and Donna all made it slowly out of the hospital, before Donna, Gerard and Mikey's mom made it out the door the doctor called her over and hand her Frank's medication, at the sight of the three large bottles of medication Frank cringed and tried to focus on Gerard and the only two pieces of artwork in the whole depressing facility.  
''Frank, I was thinking and I believe it would be safer for you to stay with us at least until you're eighteen or ready to move out, I had called your mother and she agreed for safety.''  
Frank listened to Donna intently and looked over at Gerard, the look on Gerard's face was basically the look someone gives you when you show them a video of kittens playing, pure happiness and excitement. ''Mrs. Way, thankyou so much, you've done too much for me already, are you sure?'' Frank asked not wanting to be a burden on Gerard's family.  
''I'm more than sure, you're a sweet kid, you have made Gee happy in this last month you've known each other.''  
Frank looked over at Gerard with a huge grin and looked over at Mikey, Mikey was smiling along also, not only had Frank gotten close to Gerard he'd also gotten to know Mikey also, they were both amazing people and so was Donna. They spent the car ride talking about where Frank would sleep and everything that would be happening once Frank stayed over, including rules. ''I'm not strict plus you guys are seventeen so I'll be a bit less strict but there are things I expect, Go to school and in general just be a good person not that difficult, there might be other things we might need to discuss later but I will cross the bridges when we get there.''  
''Yes ma'mn'' Frank said just as he turned to Gerard, Frank whispered in Gerards ear ''what are the other things?'' Frank asked with curiosity lacing his tone.  
''Probably some things that we shouldn't mention right now, I might be able to tell you when we get home'' Gerard replied looking at Frank.  
Frank kind of nodded half understanding half wanting to know even more, oh well maybe he'll find out later.

The car ride was long, but they had finally arrived to Gerard's house.  
''Alright boys we're home'' Donna said taking the keys from the car and getting out.  
They all walked to the door and followed each other inside, when they got in Donna began talking to Frank,  
''Frank, if you want to take your medication you can now, or if you want I will be ordering pizza, sometimes it's better to take pills on a full stomach it's up to you.''  
''Oh, okay thankyou, I think you're right I'll wait until dinner'' Frank smiled.  
Frank was glad Donna suggested a different option than taking his medicine right then, if he was honest, he didn't want pain meds at all, everytime he took one he felt like he needed more and he felt like he wasn't strong enough right now to control himself, so physical pain it will be.  
The rest of the first night at the Way household was calm, they ate pizza and talked about each other's interests until it was ten p.m.  
''Alright, boys it's late, I'm going to bed, Frank your medicine is on the table, drinks and food are in the refrigerator, night boys.''  
''Night'' Gerard, Frank and Mikey replied as Donna headed off to bed.  
Mikey soon went to bed saying he was up all night last night, so this left Frank and Gerard alone,  
they decided to go to bed but not sleep, instead they went on to watch terribly acted movies about sharks and tornadoes and talked until morning.  
'' Hey so what was the whole, 'crossing bridges when we get there' thing about?'' Frank asked Gerard.  
''Oh, that, well'' Gerard left out kind of a heavy sigh before he opened his mouth the speak again, ''basically i'm not really straight so I think she just doesn't want anything to happen, under her roof anyway, lucky for her, I don't think of people like that.''  
Frank was half surprised and half expecting that, although Frank was still confused about the 'I don't think of people like that' part, just as he was confused about the second half of Gerard's google searches.  
''That's okay, honestly I'm not really straight either, you don't have to answer this but what do you mean by 'you don't think of people like that'?''  
Frank asked, ''Ah well this may be a bit hard to describe, basically I'm asexual, i'm not interested in sex I guess, I mean I still find people attractive, particularly men and other masculine appearing people but I don't have a need for sex, does that make sense? The full term for me is homoromantic asexual.''  
''I've never really heard about that, that's interesting, so like even if the hottest dude was like 'ayy Gee let us go forth and fuck' you wouldn't be up for it?''  
Frank asked laughing at his own stupid joke.  
Gerard started laughing and shaking his head ''well first of all 'let us go forth and fuck' isn't exactly the hottest pick up line, but to answer your question, no''  
Gerard replied still out of breath from laughing.  
''That makes sense, thanks for explaining it to a dumbass homosexual homoromantic dude like me''  
Frank said as he was calming down from laughing.  
''No problem us homoromantic asexuals are here to help but not to please.''

The whole night went like this, where they would talk about random things and laugh until they both passed out at around seven in the morning when the sun came up.


	9. Potential art.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thing's are okay right now, and the only thing that is promised is togetherness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here's a new chapter if you're reading this thankyou so much, hope you enjoy,   
> there's mentions of self harm and a mention of abuse so please be careful here's a lil' warning.  
> Bye have an amazing day <3- xogalacticghost.

Papers, stacks of important documents, waste of trees.  
Frank was due in court to testify against his stepfather, as Frank read through the huge pile of documents that seemed to never end Gerard rubbed his back in a comforting way  
sending him smiles even though Frank was looking at the endless stacks of paper.  
''Frank, just know I, my mom and most likely Mikey will be here for you and we will also be sure to be by your side on the court date.'' Gerard said in a quiet smooth tone to remind Frank he was safe, Frank looked up at Gerard ''thankyou so much Gee, for everything, that means alot to me'' Frank said with a tone of gratitude in his voice.  
''It's not a problem at all, you deserve to know your safe, all this will pass and be over with'' Gerard said smiling at Frank.  
Frank nodded as Gerard brought him in for a hug, they hugged for a while before Donna reminded them that Frank had alot of pages left to read through and sign.  
The rest of the paper was not as important as the first portion of papers, mostly the second portion was reminders of the date and time and explaining what to wear and what behavior is appropriate and what behavior is not. After about an hour of scanning through the stack of paper Frank had finished reading, Frank was calm surprisingly enough since he was set to soon testify against the man who abused him, but Frank knew he was numb and he knew his emotions would come back like a ghost to haunt him, Frank was lucky, even though he didn't like to bother Gerard with his problems because he felt guilty, Gerard always seemed to know when things were off so avoiding his issues was kind of impossible but he was kind of glad Gerard somewhat forced him to talk to him, at the end of the day he knew opening up was better for his mental health then resorting to other  
forms of relief.  
Frank worried about Gerard also, Frank could tell Gerard was constantly trying to be strong and though Frank knew Gee was strong, he was also not in the best mental place either,the other day Frank has walked in on Gerard changing because Gerard forgot to lock the door and Frank saw marks going up and down Gerard's thighs,  
Frank didn't react right then because he didn't want to frighten Gerard but this scared Frank but it wasn't the right time to ask him how he was since they weren't alone at the moment. Suddenly Frank was pulled out of his thought train and his eyes focused on Gerards as Gerard was tapping him on the shoulder and turning to whisper in Franks ear. ''Can we go to my room and talk?'' Gerard asked in a hush tone to Frank.  
Frank nodded and walked slowly through the hallway to Gerard's room as Gerard followed behind him.  
''Hey, are you okay, I just want to make sure you're okay, I can tell this is all overwhelming and scary, you don't need to hide your emotions''  
Gerard whispered to Frank in a concerned voice.  
''To be honest I am kind of scared, but I really want to talk about how you feel, you're so amazing and nurturing to me, but what about you, are you okay?''  
Frank asked mirroring Gerard quiet and hushed tone   
''Frankie, you're sweet for caring about me but this about you.''  
''Gee, we always talk about how I feel, I want to get closer to you, I need to know if you're okay, you're so worried about other people but is your mental health okay?  
Do you cry at night? Are there marks on your body?'' Frank's voice got even quieter as he asked the last question and with that Gerard broke.  
For Frank, seeing Gerard cry was like seeing a natural disaster wipe out the prettiest and brightest city, it was painful.  
''Gee, shh, it's okay we're going to get through this, you've always been there for me and don't think I won't be here for you in the same way, you are so strong, Gee''  
Frank had walked over to cuddle into Gerard who was sitting by his desk on the floor.  
''Frankie, it's like, I need to be strong but it just doesn't work I always end up doing something I regret'' Gerard was whispering to Frank and trying to control his cries.  
''Gee, you are strong and you will always be strong, but there's different forms of strong, right now you need to be strong for yourself, you need to be strong enough to  
open up, please don't feel like the marks on your body or your tears are weak, i'll put it like this, your marks and your tears are trying to create a work of art, the work of art is you in the future, you are building up to that and sometimes little drops of paint get into the wrong places but that's okay, in the end you will be where you need to be  
maybe not now but I promise to be here for you.'' Frank quietly said as he gave Gerard a hug and wiped the falling from Gerard's eyes with his shirt sleeve.  
Gerard stayed quiet but embraced himself in Frank's hug. Feeling were developing.


	10. Court.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard having to be calm, serious and composed when so many thoughts are swirling in your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry this is a little late i gotta lot going on in my life and stuff  
> but here's a new chapter sorry if it's a little short next chapter will be longer i promise (trust me.) warnings: mentions of abuse and overdosing on medication, stay safe <3- galacticghost
> 
> p.s. I chose the name Donald for the asshole of the story's name bc donald trump is also an asshole and i feel like they would really connect :)))))

Frank's court date arrived sooner than expected and Frank had been dreading it all week. After Frank and Gerard's emotional conversation things between the two grew extremely personal and strong, at the moment it was clear to the both of them that something was happening between them and it was happening quick, now was not really the time as they were both entering a room filled with unknown people and the amount of quietness that could kill a man. ''Please have a seat'' a stern man while looking at Frank, Frank guessed that was the judge and sat down motioning Gerard, Donna and Mikey to sit next to him. ''We're discussing the case for seventeen year old Frank Iero an his stepfather, forty five year old Donald Thompson.'' Frank was facing the judge as he tried to avoid the glare coming from his mothers husband from across the room.  
During the court case pictures were shown of Frank with marks on his face, back, legs and another picture of a hard red line across Frank's neck that came from being choked out.  
Gerard didn't know what he expected but this wasn't it, seeing fresh marks on someone who he cared for torture and he tried to look over at Frank but he couldn't tell if Frank was upset or numb.  
Frank was called by the judge to testify against his mother's husband, he slowly walked up keeping his head down until he reached the front where he stood facing the judge.  
'' I'm not sure exactly what to say'' Frank started, his hands were shaking and his knees felt like they were going to give out at anytime.  
''but- the proof is in those pictures, if you and other people have not realized that my stepfather made me feel unsafe and used then when with there ever be any justice for any other kid who's getting abused?'' Frank looked at the judge in the eyes and was given a nod and told to sit back down. 

After another two hours of waiting and two hours straight of Gerard comforting Frank and Donna and Mikey assuring Frank everything would be okay the judge stepped back up and looked back and forth at Frank and his stepfather. ''We have made a decision'' Frank could feel his heart beating out of his chest as he was biting his nails and accidentally squeezing Gerard's hand.  
''In the case of Frank Iero and Donald Thompson, we the jury find Donald Thompson guilty of abuse and assault towards a minor'' the judges voice and the sound of justice rang through Frank's ears, he was free, he was free to just worry about his own problems without his mothers husband interfering and making him feel less than human.  
Everyone in the court room smiled and sent their 'congratulations' toward Frank as his mothers boyfriend was handcuffed and taken away by two men.


	11. Cross the bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone knew something the two of them didn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so if you're reading this thankyou, also I'm so fucking sorry this chapter is so late, I've been sick and school is going to end for me soon so i'm having to take tons of final tests and everything so i'm sooo sorry but anyway,  
> this chapter I really wanted to focus on Gee and Frank's potential relationship and everything, .Hope you enjoyed.

Frank, Gerard, Mikey and Geard's mother exited the court room with smiles on their faces and of course Frank wore the biggest smile as they walked to the car to go back home where everything would be calmer and they could focus on themselves and each other.  
Frank sat next to Gerard looking over at him ''Gee, thankyou so much for being so amazing and supportive, there's no way in hell I could have done all this without you and your mom and brother being insanely supportive''  
Gerard looked back over at Frank and placed his hand softly on top of Frank's and gave him a sincere smile, ''Frankie, you don't have to thank me, you mean alot to me and you're always for me this is important and it turned out in your favor and i'm so glad it did.''  
Frank was struggling to focus on Gerard's words and his kind smile when the feeling of Gerard's hand against his sent a buzz through him but he tried hard to focus on what he was saying.  
The car ride was quiet yet there was a sense of relief in the air that seemed to radiate through everyone, this was proven by the back and forth smiles shared between Gerard and Frank and when they arrived into the drive way of the Way household Donna looked into the rear-view mirror and could easily tell something was going on between the two of them.  
They all arrived inside and Gerard,Frank and Mikey all sat together listening to whatever random music Mikey had stored on his phone, Mikey looked over at his brother and Frank and back at his mother as he and his mother shared confused looks.  
Gerard's head was leaning on Frank's shoulder with the top his head buried into Frank's neck, there was no doubt in Donna's mind since the beginning that there was going to be something between the two but she had decided to keep quiet, cross the bridge when you get there.  
Gerard turned to Frank and lifted his head off his shoulder slightly so he was facing the side of Frank's head as he whispered quietly to Frank,  
''can we go talk?'' Frank nodded slightly as he got up and walked towards the hall excusing himself from the conversation with Mikey.  
''Frank, I feel it, there's something happening'' Gerard said quietly.  
''I know what you mean but is it too soon, I don't know what's supposed to happen but it's happening''  
''I don't know if it's too soon, but I think my mom is aware'' Gerard said whispering trying not the get his mother or brother's attention.  
''I think so too, we aren't exactly the most secret people and we're not even together yet''  
''yet?'' Gerard asked noticing the stress Frank put on that word.  
''Yet, I think, it's all so obvious but I don't know if it's right''  
''I don't either but we can't ignore feeling we both know how bottling things up ends''   
''I know but, I don't think i'm ready, I'm sorry.'' Frank's eyes started to turn red and tear up and his mouth went dry, he just rejected something so obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i'm sorry i was gonna go a total different direction but i wanna be mean.


	12. tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They used to not be able to be apart now they can't even be in the same room without falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here's a new chapter hope you enjoy, i don't have much to say about this chapter, it's a continuation of what happened last time also Frank and Gerard's attitude and ways of thinking in the chapter is kind of influenced by   
> some traits of borderline personality disorder bc i'm trash and I need something to relate to, but anyway hope anyone reading this enjoys, have a good day :)  
> P.s. sorry this chapter is short oops.

There was so much tension in any room Gerard or Frank walked in or out of, they tried to pretend they were the same as they were a few days ago but that just wasn't the truth at all, when you can cut the tension with a knife then it's quite obvious they wouldn't be the same for a while.  
Frank blamed himself, he blamed the fact that whenever someone gets close to him he destroys any possibility of anyone getting any closer, he's lost so many people in his life and so many people have wrecked his trust to the point of what he though was no return, truthfully Frank knew he loved Gerard and if it was't love it hurt like it, he couldn't get close but he was in too deep.  
And on the other hand Gerard blamed himself also, he blamed himself for being to quick to fall in to things and people, he always fell to hard and to fast he didn't give anyone the chance to get to know him and he didn't get a chance to know anyone else.  
Donna and Mikey both knew Gerard fell to quick and Donna tried warning them about the things that could happen but no one though anything of it until it happened and now it felt like there was a limited amount of oxygen in the air due to how far apart everyone was and no one was sure how to get everything back.  
Gerard walked into the room and raised his head up slightly glancing back and forth between Frank and Donna who were both sitting on the couch and each time Frank and Gerard made even a slight bit of eye contact it felt like their world was going to explode, Frank pushed his hair into his face so he had something to hide behind as he stared at Gerard and caught a glimpse of glistening liquid escaping Gerard's eye as Gerard turned around and quickly walked back to his room, ''forget it, I can't even look at him what makes me think that I can talk to him?'' Gerard said in a mumbling fashion to himself as he turned around and spotted Mikey in his door way.  
''Hey, Gee, I know there's alot on your mind if you need to talk let me know, I gave Frank the same offer, just let me know if you need me'' Mikey said softly to his brother, Gerard sniffled when he heard Frank's name but decided to ignore it and respond back to his brother.  
''Thankyou, Mikes, I will let you know if I need you.'' Gerard said in a whisper tone as he tried to push out a slight forced smile half trying to give Mikey some comfort that everything would be okay and half trying to give himself comfort everything would be okay, if only he was certain, if only they could talk to each other instead of avoiding each other like the black plague, things might be a bit easier, but this is two people with huge trust issues we're talking about, nothing makes sense right now.


	13. Rescued.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My escape, take me far from this place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, if you're reading this thankyou for reading i hope you enjoyed this chapter took a turn i didn't originally think but idk what this is, also, so sorry I haven't updated in a while my computer broke and i had to wait a little to get a new one <3   
> warnings: physical abuse and sexual abuse and mentions of drugs. p.s. the song i mentioned as the ring tone is ''anywhere but here'' by mayday parade bc i'm emo trash fite me.

Gerard's p.o.v.   
He was about to make a big mistake and he knew it, he always felt lonely and rejected, one person excepted him in the way he wanted, his ex-boyfriend.  
This man had hurt Gerard in every possible way, Gerard loved the way he hurt him physically, this was Gerard's favorite, Gerard wanted to hurt in a way other than emotionally, he wanted his body and to sting the way his throat did, he wanted his body to burn red the way his eyes did.  
Gerard pulled into the man's driveway at three in the morning, it was dark and the rain was harsh against Gerard's skin but it was nothing in comparison to what he was about to go through. Gerard knocked on the door waiting for his ex-boyfriend to come to the door, there he was dark, long hair, stumbling, and angry.  
The man looked up at Gerard who's head was hung low but the man knew it was his smaller, broken ex-boyfriend.  
''Ah, my little whore is back, I though you weren't into sex, yet you come back everytime, knowing exactly what is expected of you, am I really that good, babe?'' the man said with a smirk that everything in his mind,body and soul into a panic, Gerard caught himself wanting to call Frank and run as fast as he could back to where he was safe but he knew Frank didn't want to hear it and Gerard still felt that he needed the pain so he simply flashed a quick fake smile to the man in reply.  
The man grabbed Gerard by his hip bone and pressed down as he dragged him into the dark, smoke filled room.  
''Take off your fucking clothes and get the fuck over here, now'' the man said in a tone that made Gerard become subservient.  
Gerard sat next to the man after stripping everything off except his underwear, ''I can tell you're going to be a fucking problem tonight, drink this or i'll force it down your fucking throat'' the man handed Gerard a bottle of cheap vodka, everything in Gerard's mind told him to run, Gerard had an addictive personality and he was already trying as it is to stay away from alcohol, but Gerard knew complying was his best option, he thought everything was his fault as it was, why not wreck his sobriety.  
After downing half the bottle, Gerard felt weird, he felt good but he also felt easy and sick, he knew what was next.  
''Get on your fucking knees, bitch'' the man hissed as he forced Gerard's body to bend over the couch, the man ripped Gerard's underwear off and did what he wanted, Gerard went numb, his thoughts stayed on what to get for his mother's birthday and the things he would draw when he feels like drawing, most importantly his thoughts turned to Frank as Gerard's phone rang, Gerard and Frank had set special songs for each other when either of them called the other one, the song played through the room like a burst of sunshine in what felt like a cold drug filled dungeon, he knew it was Frank, he couldn't go the other side of the room where his phone was in his pants pocket, but the song made everything feel okay.  
The man finished and collapsed onto the other side of the couch, Gerard sat down, not being able to think straight.

Frank's p.o.v.

Frank was panicking, Gerard wan't in the room, he wasn't in any room in the house, it was four in the morning and he was gone, Frank tried calling his phone and it rung for a while then went to voicemail,   
Mikey's p.o.v.   
It was four a.m., Mikey had heard Frank attempting to call Gerard which Mikey thought was odd, why didn't he just talk to him,  
just then Mikey felt sick and got a bad feeling, he walked into the living room where Frank was, Frank looked at Mikey with tears in his eyes.  
''Mikey, I don't know where Gerard went''  
Mikey was scared but he was trying to be calm for Frank, Mikey suggested they go out and look for him, maybe his needed to take a walk or go to the park.m  
Mikey and Frank's p.o.v.  
Frank and Mikey opened the door to the house, the streets the only source of light was the street lamps, that lit the way.  
Frank and Mikey walked the streets of many neighborhoods, calling every minute in hopes that Gerard would give him some sign he was safe.  
Frank and Mikey walked through a neighborhood of houses that seemed old and worn down, most of the houses were made of red bricks and the grass grew long,  
until they reached the end, they saw a house that was small and mostly dark brick and wood painted black, the grass was burnt.  
Just as Frank was questioning the state of the grass he noticed the car in the driveway, a small old, black, beaten up car, more importantly, this was Gerard's car, everything matched, the licence plate number to the cracked windows, they had found him.  
Frank and Mikey and approached the house carefully not knowing who actually owned the home and who Gerard was with, Frank softly knocked on the door, before hearing muffled talking and shuffling coming from inside, a man with dark, long hair opened the door with bags under his eyes. ''Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?'' the man said in a harsh voice. ''uh-uhm, i- i'm looking for someone named Gerard way, that's his care in the driveway, is he here?''  
Mikey said. ''He's here'' the main said in an annoyed voice, the man hesitantly let them in and told them where he was.  
Frank and Mikey walked to the room where Gerard was in, Gerard was in his underwear curled into a ball sitting on the shower floor, his eyes were blood shot and there was tiny whimpers escaping his lips that he tried to mask as soon he saw Frank and Mikey, Frank turned the water off as it was freezing cold and reached for a random towel that was in the room and draped it around Gerard, Frank and Mikey were on either side of Gerard as they lifted him and carried him to the car and left to go home.  
They had alot of questions, but now was not the time.


	14. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is your home? More importantly, who is your home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here's a short chapter this is not the official chapter, I'll post that later tonight or tomorrow this is just a short fluff thing idk next chapter will be dramatic.

Frank and Mikey carried Gerard into the home he and his brother grew up in, this is the place he was safe, this is where Gerard and Mikey's grandmother would teach the boys about piano and where she would tell them stories about the life she lived.  
Frank and Mikey carried Gerard up the stairs into his room that he shared with Frank, everything in the room showed signs that this was Gerard's room, from the scattered piles of hand drawn pictures on his desk to the unmade bed to the pitch black curtains that stopped the sun light from shining in his room to the two other pillows on Gerard's bed indicating that this was Franks safe place too.  
They laid Gerard's limp body down on to his bed and pulled the blankets over him, even though Gerard didn't realize yet, he was safe.  
Mikey went to his bed after giving Frank a hug to assure him Gerard was going to be okay, Frank put all his hope into was Mikey said, replaying the words as he sat in a corner of Gerard's room thinking about everything.   
Gerard rolled over pulling the blankets off his face peering over to the corner where Frank was sitting.  
Tears started to gather and collect in Gerard's eyes, ''I'm so sorry'' Gerard whispered to Frank in a voice that felt like knives going through Frank's heart.  
Frank didn't care about an apology, that didn't cross his mind, he didn't understand why he was apologizing, Frank wondered how could someone who did nothing be this sorry.  
Frank looked over at Gerard on the verge of sobbing, ''please, Gee, there's nothing you did wrong, I need you to focus on getting rest, we will worry about this when you are more awake, please don't feel like you did anything.'' At this point Frank was trying so hard to get the words out of his mouth, somehow he did.  
Gerard nodded softly as he sat up in his bed and softly pat the side with the two pillows, Frank got up and laid next to Gerard, Frank grazed over the skin on Gerard's wrist in an attempt to comfort Gerard as they both drifted off to sleep.


	15. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you keep from returning to old habits?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy somewhat way brother emotional bonding anyway Hi, here's this chapter, trigger warning: alcohol.  
> Hope you enjoy if you're reading this <3

Gerard woke up before Frank, he sat up in his bed with his back to the wall and his bruised knees up to his chin.  
Gerard examined the bruises and cuts on his arms and legs, he felt his face, touching his eye felt excruciating, Gerard couldn't see himself but he knew he must of had a black eye or a bruise close to his eye. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, all he wanted to do was drink, pass out and forget everything he's ever done to himself and forget everything anyone has ever done to him, his whole body felt like it was on fire but it was nothing to how Gerard was feeling emotionally, he knew Frank, Mikey and his mom wouldn't let him get close to the glass bottles he so desperately craved, it was either alcohol or other forms of releasing himself, he truly did not care about the damage he would cause to himself.  
Gerard carefully pulled himself out of bed in an attempt to not wake Frank up, he walked to the kitchen and found where his mom hid the bottles from him, he carefully took a few bottles out trying to not let them touch each other and make a sound. Gerard walked quietly to the bathroom, softly closing the door and locking it. he sat on the floor with his back to the door and struggled to open the bottle but he got it open eventually, he brought the bottle to his lips, it felt and tasted like relief and poison at the same time, it was everything he wanted and everything he needed to run from at the same time.  
Gerard's mind was buzzing and his body was vibrating, he felt on top of the world but he also felt like he was in hell, he knew deep down in the midst of his high  
this wouldn't last long, soon enough someone was going to wake up and wonder where he was and why the bottles were missing and why the bathroom door was locked,  
they're going to wonder why they hear clanking sounds coming from the bottles and why they here the giggles and sobs coming from inside, and it will be over.

Mikey woke up, groggy and worried for his older brother, he walked past Gerard's room , the door was open, he saw Frank sleeping cuddling a pillow as if it was Gerard, but there was no Gerard there, Mikey immediately went into a frenzy running around in search for his brother, he ran down the stairs and saw the drawer where his mom kept the alcohol was unlocked and open, Mikey peered into the drawer seeing most of the bottles were gone, Mikey was trying to stay calm but he knew exactly where his brother was and what he was doing.  
Mikey rushed to the bathroom downstairs, he saw the light was on, he desperately shook the door knob in a failed attempt to open the locked door.  
Mikey found a hair pin that must have been dropped on the floor by the door, he stuck the pin in the key hole and tried picking the lock, he spent 10 minutes struggling with the pin and the key hole, he heard a click.  
He tried to open the door and it slightly cracked open but it felt like there was something or someone in the way.  
''Please, go away'' Gerard whispered in a slurred and hushed tone,  
''No, Gerard, I'm not leaving until you come out or let me in'' Mikey said desperately trying to get his brother to cooperate.  
'' I can't, I did a bad thing, I wasn't supposed to do this again'' Gerard whispered back  
'' I'm not mad at you, you didn't do anything bad, you just need help, please let me help you Gee, I'm your brother, I'm not mad at you, no one is.''  
The words ''I'm not bad at you, no one is'' struck Gerard, Mikey was wrong, everyone was mad at him, he fucked up too many times, he couldn't get clean, he fell to hard for people, he loved to much and forgave to easily, he knew it, he knew his mom and Mikey were sick of him relapsing and falling in love with random people and getting hurt.  
He knew Frank was mad at him, he probably thought he was a creep, he thought everyone was mad at him.  
Gerard started sobbing trying to stop himself, the sane part of his brain was telling him it was just his mental illnesses mixing with the abuse mixing with the alcohol, the other part was telling him everything he's ever done he's fucked up and he didn't know which part to believe.  
''Gerard, please I know you believe you're a fuck up but you don't realize how much everyone loves you, Frank loves you, mom loves you, I love you, i've always looked up to you, please let me in, I need my big brother.''

Gerard reached his limp arm to the door knob and moved away from the door, extending his arms to Mikey, he need his little brother.


	16. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to feel things, it's okay to feel human, you are human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this chapter is hella late, i haven't really been inspired or anything to write but here's this, i wrote this because dissociating sucks and it happens alot to me and idk here's a reminder you exist and you're human.   
> warning: mentions of bottles as in alcohol and one mention of a blade.

Mikey and Gerard stayed in the bathroom for a while, they hugged and talked about what life used to be like.  
The rain would pound on the windows of their grandmas house, the thunder boomed and the lightning lit the house, Mikey and Gerard were young and scared, it was dark and there was no power, their grandma would sit on the piano bench facing the boys, she would put her finger up to her lips and whisper 'shh..' the rain seemed to calm down, the thunder and lightning subsided, she would chuckle to herself, ''the rain may seem violent, it may feel like the lightning is going to crash through and strike, but let me tell you a secret... the rain is just God making the devil cry, there is nothing to worry about.''  
Mikey and Gerard recalled these memories and the things their grandma would tell them about storms, both Gerard and Mikey had left religion behind years ago, but remembering these things comforted them in a desperate time, they remembered how their grandma would light candles and play piano until the power came back or until the boys fell asleep.

Frank had woken up, he patted the bed as he realized Gerard was not there, Frank hurried out of bed and searched around the house, he saw the bathroom light was on and the door was slightly open, he could hear two voices, he opened the door slightly as he saw both Gerard and Mikey sitting on the floor, crying, Frank glanced at the bottles on the floor in Gerard's lap, Frank shut his eyes tightly and sighed,  
Gerard noticed Frank there and opened the door and patted the ground as a sign for Frank to sit next to him, both Gerard and Mikey gave Frank sympathetic smiles,

Gerard sighed and leaned his head on Frank's shoulder, ''I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve this, Mikey doesn't deserve this, mom doesn't deserve this...'' Gerard said in a raspy, creaky voice that was obvious that he was emotional. '' You don't deserve this'' Frank said pulling his sleeve over his hand and wiping the tears on Gerard's cheek,

'' I want to be the little boy I used to be, I want to be the healthy adult i'm supposed to be, I want this to be over.''  
''Gee, it will be you will be healthy again, you will be happy again, it takes time'' Mikey said.  
'' Mikey's right, we're here for you, you will be happy again, even the happiest people have their moments though, yes you will be happy, but I think it's important for you to remember you will also be sad again, you will be angry again, you will be desperate and depressed again, you will feel used and abused again, and that's okay, you're a human being.''  
''I don't feel like a human, I feel distant and numb.''  
Frank reached for Gerard's hand  
''Can you feel that? Do you feel my hand? Even if you don't you feel something emotionally, you feel distant and numb, that feeling may feel dehumanizing and robotic but  
even robots don't understand they're robots, they don't understand they're nothing, the thing about you is you understand you are numb, and you understand you aren't supposed to feel that way,  
you understand you feel something, you are so completely human, you are human in every sense of the word, robots don't have interests unless they are programmed to do so, Gee, robots don't remember what it felt like to be a little kid, they don't remember what visits to their grandmas house felt like, they don't know what it feels like to sing along to shitty garage punk bands at the top of their lungs, they don't know what it feels like to reach for a bottle or a blade instead of reaching out for another human.''


	17. Get better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There comes a point in time where most people are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone here's a new chapter this chapter is supposed to show a slight glimpse of hope, so i hope you enjoy <3  
> warning: mentions of throwing up and recovery and all that.

Gerard, Mikey and Frank all sat on the cold tiled floors of the bathroom, many tears were shed and stories were told, they re- hashed memories and emotions some positive some negative, regardless, it needed to happen Gerard needed to know what it felt like to feel something long term again, he was so used to short term highs that would make him loose all control and dig himself into a deeper hole.  
He was with his little brother and his best friend discussing anything and everything that mattered to them, everything from aliens to stomachaches and anything in between.  
They also discussed how to approach Gerard and Mikey's mom with this, though Donna was aware of the pain her son put himself through, she struggled with doing anything about it, truthfully it's hard to help someone when they don't want to help themselves and for a long time Gerard had been deathly terrified of asking for help, he's had this fear since he was a young child, back then it was much smaller things such as being scared to ask where the bathroom is at a strangers house, now being scared to ask for help meant being scared to ask his mother to help him overcome addiction and every single mental illness that weighed him down daily.  
Gerard was tired of waking up in the middle of the night bending over a toilet bowl regurgitating his heart through his throat, he was tired of searching for love from people who didn't care about his well being and he was tired of Frank, Mikey and his mom having to walk on eggshells to keep some sort of peace, he was tired of not being able to be there for Frank who had his own problems, it's hard to hold someones hair back while they're vomiting while you're worried about your own hair and your own bile.  
Frank was tired of having to follow Gerard when Gerard gets out of bed to make sure he doesn't do anything to himself, Frank was tired of sympathetic looks and nods when he asked Gerard if he was alright, he wasn't, Frank wasn't either, Frank hated the feeling of hands on him when no one was touching him, he hated that he wanted to punch the glass mirror in the morning and he hated that he didn't get excited about anything anymore.

Donna walked out into the living room of the house and walked down the hall, peering into the bathroom where Gerard, Mikey and Frank were, she saw them sitting on the cold tiled floor, they all looked like they had been up all night crying, which they were.  
Gerard saw his mom at the door way, he tilted his head down and shakily stood up in front of his mom, he may have been seventeen and he may have been much taller than his mom but he felt like a child, Donna embraced her son and patted his back, she felt like she was holding seven year old Gerard again, the air and the energy in the room lifted, all four of them couldn't help but feel like things were looking up.

After a while all four of them sat on the couch of the family's home, ''Gee, I just want you to know that you shouldn't ever fear coming to me about anything, I am your mom and nothing can take that away, i'm here for you, mikey is here and frank is here'' Donna said in a whispered and sympathetic tone.  
They all talked about recovery and Mikey found places Gerard could go to daily or weekly with professionals, truthfully Gerard was still scared, part of him was screaming to run,  
run back to your vices, run back to what you're used to, run back to what comforted you those many nights.


	18. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always going to be an eternal conflict of right and wrong, healing and relapsing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone happy June, i hope you enjoy this chapter this story has over 400 views and that makes me so happy I would love feedback on this story <3 trigger warnings: mentions of somewhat detailed descriptions of self harm.

There was a conflict in Gerard's mind, he listened to his mother and brother talk about how they want the old Gerard back and if Gerard was honest he wanted himself back, but he was lost, for years it's felt like he's been searching either for his past self or his future self and it's like walking through a dark tunnel without direction or a torch to light your path, all he senses felt like they shut down searching for himself, he was convinced he was meant to be lost.

Frank looked over at Gerard who was sitting right next to him, Gerard had his hands in his lap, he was fidgeting with his hands and ripping the skin off his fingers, Frank looked down and Gerards legs were violently shaking, if he got up at the moment it's quite possible they would turn to jello.  
Frank had lived with Gerard long enough to pick up on his body language and the way he reacted to things and would distract himself in a fucked up attempt to run away from what needed to be heard, Frank knew why Gerard would tear the skin on his fingers he knew why there was jagged small faint strokes on Gerard's soft skin, it was something that Frank knew and picked up on, yet these were things Gerard ran from and ran too at the same time.

Donna had finished talking and she wiped the stray tears falling on to her cheeks, Frank looked up and softly spoke with an unidentified level of pain in his voice, ''can I speak to Gee in private for a second?'' Frank asked and looked over to the side view of Gerard's face as he noticed Donna faintly nodding,   
Gerard weakly pulled himself out from his brothers arms and followed Frank to his room.

''Are you okay?''  
Before Gerard could answer Frank spoke again  
''nevermind that was a stupid question, I know you're not okay, I want to be here for you and fully understand you, what is wrong, Gee?''

Gerard was choking on his own words and drowning in his tears even though he promised he would attempt to keep it bottled in, Frank knew, he couldn't run from Frank like he ran from everyone else.

''I'm scared, how do I know that if i quit all the shit I do I will never go back, how the fuck am I going to handle not being fucking wasted all the time, Frank, do you know what it's fucking like to depend on something for so long, I'm fucking scared shitless and I can't even begin to tell you.''  
Gerard raised his voice, he didn't want to scare Frank but he couldn't help it, once it was out it was out.  
''I wake up at fucking three in the morning every goddamn day, only to go drink and then pass the fuck out again so I don't remember when I'm fucking sober,  
I can't remember the last time I saw the fucking sun, the last time I was happy was when you moved in, that was five months ago, Frank i'm scared.''  
Gerard was sobbing at this point, he was sitting with his legs under him and his back to the wall, Frank rubbed his back and decided to let him talk and cry as long as he needed.

''Frankie... I'm so sorry, i'm scared because when I was young I used to stay up way past my bedtime because I was so enthralled by a book or a movie, I was so happy and excited, Mikey and I would stay up late discussing the dumbest shit when we were young, I can't remember the last time I read a book or a comic and just got lost in it, I don't get excited about anything anymore, I haven't drawn in God fucking knows how long, I've lost my spark, the worst thing is, I know you're hurting, Frankie, I know you need someone to be here for you, and it fucks me up everyday that I can't even do that for you, I don't want you to do the shit to youself that i've done to myself.''  
Gerard looked up at Frank, both of them had red and puffy eyes that stung from the tears, Frank couldn't bear to tell Gerard the things he had done to himself.  
''Gee, I need you to know that I'm always going to be here for you, you haven't lost your spark, it's there, it's hiding, but it's there, you will find a book that makes your heart sing again, you will stay up until three in the morning to read and discuss stupid shit again, it will take time.''

''Frankie, I want to discuss stupid shit with you and Mikey when we all get better, I wanna read and draw and help my mom set the table again, I want to help you, I need you to stay, I'm so fucked up and I don't know how I got this bad and i've done bad things.''

''Gee, your past is the last thing that matters to me, I wanna know what's in your mind when you're sad, let me in and I will always be yours, none of this is your fault, we can chalk it up to emotions and past experiences, none of this is because of you, I love you.''  
They both stood up and hugged and cried into eachother shoulders.

 

''Oh, and Gee''  
''yes, Frankie?''  
''when we get better I'm totally going to make you sing for me.''  
They both giggled.  
''Deal.'' They smiled and walked back to the room Donna and Mikey were in, hand in hand, everything will get better in time.


	19. Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surrounding yourself with good people is important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone here's a new chapter <3 hope you enjoy if you're reading this.  
> this is kind of a filler chapter tbh.

The next day Gerard and Frank had their first and last group therapy session since they would start one on one therapy the following week. Donna drove the boys to the building at around eleven in the morning, they were both nervous, neither of them had been to therapy especially not a group session, both Frank and Gerard were reluctant, Gerard was the most reluctant, he didn't want people to view him as sick or weird because he was so dependent on things that he knew ruined him, he wasn't sure the type of people would be there, there was no backing out now though, he needed this.  
Donna drove to the front of the building she stopped in the parking lot and let the boys go in, ''i'll come back at one, listen to what the therapist says, don't worry about anything, this is good for both of you.'' Donna assured Frank and Gerard as they walked out of the car and headed towards the door a woman with a fake smile plastered on her face greeted them ''oh,my,hello,you must be Frank Iero and Gerard Way, I'm glad to see you boys here, I'm Mrs.Ortega, come sit in the circle.''  
Frank looked at Gerard and rolled his eyes, Gerard snorted as they both walked towards the room to sit down, this circle looked like some freaky witchcraft ritual was about to happen but they blew it off and ignored how weird it looked.   
Frank heard a whisper next to him and he looked over, ''uhm, hey i'm Ray what's your name, i've never seen you or him here before.'' They boy with the curly hair whispered pointing at Gerard  
''oh,uh,hey i'm Frank, that's my friend Gerard.''  
''Cool, you guys would look really neat together.''  
Frank didn't answer, he didn't quite know what that meant but he wasn't going to push it.  
''So uh, why are you and him here?'' Ray asked.  
''Oh, uhm, I'm here to help him and get over some stuff, I guess, he's here for alcohol and stuff.''  
Frank felt weird for answering a question for Gerard but Gerard was busy being drilled with questions by the fake therapist lady.  
''So, why are you here?''   
''My parents made me come here because I'm pansexual, they think therapy will help, I guess.''  
The blood drained from Frank's face, Gerard and him had real problems and addictions and Ray was here simply because he's not straight, Frank was trying to get Gerard's attention,  
''Gee..'' ''Gee'' ''Gerard'' ''ugh, Gee''  
Gerard turned around, ''huh oh what? Sorry''  
Mrs.Ortega wouldn't quit talking to Gerard and Frank needed to talk to him, Frank wasn't sure if this was a good place for them to be, finally, Mrs.Ortega went to talk to another person in another room.  
''Gee, uh, Ray is in here for being pansexual, I'm gay and your gay and asexual, is this even a legitimate therapist?''  
''Oh damn, I hope it is, maybe my mom didn't know this place was conversion therapy''  
Mrs. Ortega came back in the room, Gerard raised his hand, ''uh Mrs. Ortega, is this conversion therapy?''  
Mrs.Ortega giggled and shook her head, ''absolutely not, though we do have terrible and clueless parents that bring their kids in here for that purpose,we remind the kids it's okay and we let them stay here''  
Gerard and Frank felt relief and stayed the rest of the therapy session, they both talked to Ray the most, he turned to be pretty cool, he played guitar and Gerard invited Ray over to his house since Ray's parents didn't like the idea of anyone who wasn't straight stepping foot in their house.  
Before they realized the session was over, they were invited back next time, though next time would be private one on one therapy.  
Gerard and Frank walked out of the building and waved at Donna and Mikey who had picked them up and got in the car.  
''Hey boys, how was it?'' Donna asked.  
''It was alright, we didn't do much'' Gerard answered.  
''Yeah I din't expect you guys would do much, this week is just introduction week.''  
Frank nodded.  
''Gerard, a man came to the house while you and Frank were gone and Mikey was at his friend's house, I forgot his name, it started with a 'B' he was looking for you.''  
Gerard went pale, Frank and Mikey looked at each other and back at Gerard in shock. Oh,no.


	20. Never again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never again, and never again.

Donna, still driving was confused as to why everyone else in the car went quiet, she looked in the rear view mirror, Mikey and Frank's faces were drained of color and Gerard looked like he was going to vomit and drop dead.  
Donna ignored the pang of anxiety and pulled into the driveway of the house, she dropped Gerard and Frank off and her and Mikey pulled out of the driveway as they left to go meet with Mikey's teacher.  
Frank and Gerard walked inside the house, something felt wrong but they walked in, hand in hand they walked back towards Gerard's room, the light in the room Gerard and Frank shared was on, it was odd Gerard could've sworn he turned the light out when they left.  
Frank extended his arm, grasping and twisting the door knob.  
Something about being in that room felt even worse than just stepping inside the house, Gerard glanced over at Frank.  
The closet door opened.  
Gerard's screams could be heard before the sound of the door opening could be heard.  
BANG! One shot.  
BANG! Two shots.  
More screams, this time coming from Frank mixed with the groans of the other man in the room.  
The bright lights coming from the ceiling reflected on a sharp piece of broken glass in Frank's hand.  
More screams of a different variant.  
Silence.  
The sound of heavy jackets being rubbed against each other in an attempt to wake someone.  
Silence.  
The cries of 'Gerard, please,Gerard,wake up, Gerard...'  
Silence.  
The sight of blood sinking and staining the carpet, the sight of three bodies, two dead, one might as well be.

And never again and never again they gave us two shots to the back of the head and we're all dead now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be the last chapter might make another one where donna and mikey come home, i was going to continue this story with everyone alive but i don't really feel like writing this story anymore so r.i.p. Gerard, sorrrrryyyy


End file.
